…for knowledge, that is.

It occurs to me that I’m in the unenviable position of not having many people “on message” with my beliefs. When I start talking about faith, or whether there is an afterlife, or the possibility of there being a God or Gods out there somewhere, some of my readers start thinking I’m talking absolute tosh, and I’m some kind of credulous loon.

On the other hand, when I say that I am sceptical and that I find it easier to believe that strange lights in the sky are caused by atmospheric phenomena than by the Earth being “buzzed” by some interstellar Chav in whatever the space equivalent is of a Ford Cortina, then some people think I’m closed minded and I’ve already made my mind up.

I haven’t. I am open to the possibility that we are being visited by alien spacecraft. It is just that — as far as I can see — the atmospheric phenomena plus weather balloons etc fits what we need to explain better than does the alien spacecraft thing.

I have a similar take on conspiracy theories. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if world governments and organisations were up to something from time to time but in general, I’m more inclined to believe that bog-standard incompetence and human nature is more to blame for things than specific conspiracy activities. And yet, I’m prepared to acknowledge that sometimes the official version may not be the truth.

Back and to the left, back and to the left, back and to the left, back and to the left. Which, by the way, that action you see Kennedy’s head go through in the Zapruder film — caused by a bullet… [points behind him] comin from up there, ha! Yes, I know [how] it looks to the layman or someone who might dabble in physics…Bill Hicks

But if you’re going to go down the whole conspiracy route, you might as well then argue whether the Zapruder footage was faked, mightn’t you not?

… after all, we’ve now reached the rather bizarre stage where pub quiz machines ask questions like:

if we are to believe the History Books, then how many people have landed on the moon?Quiz Machine

Sorry? I don’t remember you asking me if I was to believe the history books on the date of Oliver Cromwell’s Protectorate — why doubt the history books now? Are you saying the history books are fraudulent? Or are you saying that it’s possible they are mistaken? I’m guessing the meaning is that some people think the moon landings were faked. Okay, fair enough. What if I was to say that Cromwell was faked? Can you provide me with conclusive proof he existed?

If you’re going to be that sceptical, what can you actually prove? Bugger all. Well, very little beyond:

Cogito, ergo sum. (I think, therefore I am)Rene Descartes

… and in fact you can’t even prove that at all. You’d have to convince me that you exist first, and how can you do that?

And when I take that line of approach — “you can call it reality as much as you like mate, just because I perceive the chair doesn’t mean that it exists” — then people get fed up rather rapidly.

So let’s be precisely clear on where I stand. Do I believe in God and or an afterlife? I don’t know. Do I believe that we are being visited by alien spacecraft? No, but I am prepared to admit that it is a possibility. Do I believe in ghosts? Not exactly, since I can’t see how they could exist, but nor am I prepared to discount them. Do I believe in “psi” powers? I believe it is possible that they exist. Statistical evidence would seem in favour of at least some forms of it, and I certainly believe certain aspects warrant serious scientific investigation. That doesn’t mean I exactly believe either.

I’m just a natural sceptic. I’m sceptical of Psi proponents. I’m sceptical of UFO believers. I’m sceptical of people who dismiss theories and evidence as “crackpot” without looking at the evidence. I’m sceptical of religious belief and of atheism. You name it, I’ll doubt it.

Let me tell you three stories:

Thirst for Knowledge

I’ve always wanted to know stuff. It’s been a burning desire ever since I was a small child, and wondered why nobody seemed actually sure of the exact details of what went on in Biblical times. Why can’t I know? Why can’t I find out?

And sat on the top deck of a bus at some point around the age of ten, I decided that if I could only have one ambition; if I could achieve any one thing, then it would be to know everything (technically it’s inherent omniscience I’m after). Pretty profound for a ten year old, no?

And of course, ever since I’ve become progressively more aware that it’s increasingly likely I’ll never know everything (assuming of course that I don’t turn out to be an omniscient deity myself), but rather than being able to accepting the fact that I’m asking for an impossibility, this still irks me somewhat…

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t just want to know about the “paranormal” or about history. I read a lot of popular science books because I like to know about all kinds of stuff — evolution, economics, psychology, geology, geography and so on — in fact at the moment I’m reading a history of Java and Sumatra with a particular focus on the Krakatoan eruption of 1883. It’s just that I find if I talking about “psi” or the “paranormal” to generally be more engaging than asking someone what they think of the latest theories in plate tectonics…

The Magic Door

In my current place of employment, there are sets of double doors. Not long after I started, I went and got several cups of coffee for myself and the people near me and set off back to my desk. I was walking towards one of these sets of double doors — halfway down a corridor, no other doors open, no-one else in the corridor — when it suddenly occurred to me that I was carrying four cups of coffee; I didn’t have a free hand, and that from this side I would need to pull the door.

The double doors were in clear sight for a good fifteen seconds as I approached them. They were closed — not closing — the whole time. No one else entered the corridor. No doors opened or closed. I didn’t notice any strong gusts of wind — not that you tend to find them deep inside buildings anyway.

So it was going to be a slight inconvenience. I was just approaching the door and thinking “I wish someone would come along and open that, so I don’t have to put these down, open it and pick them up again…” when the door bounced open. I deliberately use the word “bounced” because it moved as though it had been shoved hard from my side so that it struck the frame hard and rebounded slightly.

It only bounced open about three inches, but that was enough for me to stick the toe of my shoe through and open it without needing to put the cups down, for which I was thankful.

I have never explained this. I don’t mean “I have assumed it was a ghost” or “I have psychic powers”; I mean “I’ve never explained it”. It was something bizarre that happened, and I still can’t work out why or how. I mentally said “thank you” at the time just in case, however, as there’s no harm in being polite!

However, the thing that I find particularly intriguing about that (apart from the “how” bit, anyway) is the fact that I’ve only thought this specifically interesting enough to mention to friends on a couple of occassions, and that has been when we’ve already been discussing “odd” phenomena. This to me makes this point especially odd — why don’t I attach more importance to it?

In The Cellar

I used to work as a bar man in a pub called The Golden Lion in Lancaster when I was a student. This pub had a reputation of being haunted — several members of staff told me tales on different occasions of things being moved, glasses ‘popping’ on the shelves if you mentioned ‘the ghost’, the landlady’s dog refusing to go anywhere near the cellar (true: it would go to the top of the steps, lie down staring at the open doorway, and giving off a low growl), and while I don’t believe I had heard any of the stories until after my experience, it’s always possible I’m mistaken about that.

As I’ve said before, basically I was in the cellar getting ice and seemed to feel someone moving behind me, then I saw a black shape move across the corner of my field of vision and up the stairs. I continued collecting ice, telling myself that I was in a cellar, it was dark, and not to be so bloody stupid, as there was no-one else there, and I could clearly hear the other barman serving someone upstairs.

As I got to the top of the stairs, I found the other barman working that night coming back from the kitchen, and asking me what the hell I was doing in the cellar, as he’d just seen — out of the corner of his eye — what he had presumed was me come out of the cellar and go into the kitchen, so he’d followed me through for the ice, only to find that I wasn’t there.

Even if I had heard the ghost stories before, I’d not told the other barman about what I thought I’d seen and felt before he mentioned what he had, which seems to rule out the possibility of a wind-up.

That doesn’t necessarily mean something “paranormal” happened. We could have both visualised something that didn’t occur, at the same sort of time. It would be unlikely to have occurred coincidentally, but there could have been a cause (subsonics perhaps?) that for some reason affected us and only us in the bar. Again, it’s an odd, unexplained occurrence. Doesn’t mean I believe in ghosts; does mean that I’m not entirely prepared to dismiss the possibility of ghosts.

Where Next?

I’ve been communicating with the medium Marcel Cairo after he commented on one of my posts offering to do a pro-bono reading for me, and suggested that I talk about it on my blog.

We both have various other things to do (generally involving paid work) that have to be prioritised higher, but I thought it would be an interesting experience to go through personally, and also to talk about here. So watch this space — but be warned you might have to wait a few weeks.