Equality Part 3: Two Puffs Walk Into A Bar
I’m a believer in equality. I believe in equality of opportunity, although to be that’s a fancy way of saying I believe in fairness. Which is why I’ve produced a set of posts on the theme of equality, rambling through my beliefs and experiences as regards equalities and politics, sexism, sexuality, racism and disability. A little something for everyone…
Homophobia: Two Puffs Walk Into A Bar
I’m not homophobic. Some of my friends are puffs.
Did anyone think that sentence didn’t quite sound right? We all know why of course: the more appropriate term to use there would have been ‘gay’; the word ‘puff’ in that context can be taken to imply a certain amount of homophobia. But you know what, I like to keep you lot on your toes to see if you’re paying attention.
The “two puffs walk into a bar” is actually a tale I’ve frequently recounted about my first visit to one of Gateshead’s erm.. less salubrious watering holes. I walked in with a friend of mine, who was excited because he’d just got engaged, and some bloke at the end of the bar turned around and said “I see two student puffs have walked in”.
How to make you feel welcome, Volume 1.
It brings forward the question though: as a heterosexual working man, should I say “I’m not gay”? Or “I’m not a student”? Would defending my sexuality in such a way have implied that I felt somehow threatened by the notion that someone might think I was gay? As a long time veteran of many a bar that “students weren’t welcome in” during my student days, I knew precisely the thing to say in that situation:
Two pints of John Smiths, pleaseMe
Basically: just ignore it and get on with what you went to the bar for in the first place. Don’t provoke them back (yes, even if that means you’re letting homophobia go unchecked — at least you’re getting out alive); and don’t make any denials ‘cos that makes you sound weak and intimidated. Just get on with it.
Two things that have been in the news recently about homosexuality are the notion of civil cermonies, and the notion that you can’t stop gay people adopting children. Well, I don’t know any homosexual male couples, but I do know two lesbian couples and I tend to think that in their cases they would make such good parents that they shouldn’t just be allowed to adopt children — it should be compulsory.
It seems however that homophobia is the new racism (if I can use that without getting myself quoted in Private Eye’s “The Neophiliacs” column). What I mean by this is that in the seventies, we were just starting to see laws changed to indicate that the majority of society believed that overt racism was wrong. There were still large pockets of people with overtly racist attitudes (and indeed there still are some now, although less).
In the seventies, people wouldn’t have expected to be challenged for telling racist jokes. They were seen as acceptable. Now, I feel we’re in a similar position with sexuality: laws are being set out because the majority of society still feels that homophobia is wrong, but homophobic jokes and terms are commonplace and are so infrequently challenged.
Nowhere more so than in our beautiful game:
It is estimated that something like one in twenty people are exclusively homosexual. Each of the 92 league clubs has eleven players starting each match. So, without counting substitutes, reserve teams and unused squad players, that is 1012 players. On a purely statistical average, that’s 50 EXCLUSIVELY homosexual footballers playing in the English leagues every weekend, and 11 in the Premiership.
How many of them can you name?
For that matter, how many homosexual footballers can you name who have played in the English leagues at any point (except Justin Fashanu)?
Is the answer still none?Me, writing for State of The Game
Homophobia will only go away if it’s challenged. But the fact that people choose not to disclose their homosexuality doesn’t help, because it reduces the number of positive role models and allows the homophobe to ask questions like “so why are they so ashamed of it then?”
But it’s wrong to see homophobia where it’s not there too: I remember as a student being challenged by one of the LGB student representatives, and being accused of being homophobic for shunning him. Instead I had to carefully explain that I wasn’t shunning him because he was homosexual, I was shunning him because he was a self-centred, self-important pompous little prick who didn’t have any time for anyone except when it furthered his political ambitions.
Granted, it may have been kinder to leave him with the illusion that I was homophobic, but I wasn’t having that…
Hello. I am 
Great post
I think the reason people choose not to disclose is related to the first point about your experience of homophobia — if you’re gay, you have to make these sorts of decisions all the time. So if other people aren’t challenging homophobes this makes it harder to stand up to if if you’re gay because experience tells you whether or not to and it’s often don’t because you don’t know what’ll happen - it could be violence. I’m a strong person and have been out for years but it’s still an issue for me, choosing when or not to disclose. Often you get caught in catch-22. You’d be wondering ‘why didn’t they tell me?’ and someone else ‘why are they telling me this, it’s irrelevant?’ you’re right about footballers though. If even one Premiership player came out it would have enormous resonance.
I’d challenge the idea that most people aren’t homophobic - it may not be overt but that’s the way prejudice works, it finds other routes. I live in Cambridge which is terribly liberal and has a transgender Mayor, so it’s coded as ‘anti political correctness’. IME people have a lot of funny assumptions about gay people, like that we’re all rich DINKs, which have very real impacts. And I’m fed up with the assimilationists! ‘we’re just like everyone else’ - no we’re not, but that’s OK.
@Paul,
in the few occassions where someone I’ve known who isn’t openly gay has come out to me, I’ve alwasy felt honoured that that person felt they could tell me, and that I wouldn’t treat them any different because of it. Despite it’s relative irrelevance to my relationship with them, the fact it is something that is a big deal to them makes it important to me.
I honestly feel that the majority of people aren’t homophobic. I suspect however that a lot of homophobic language gets used — but a soft southern shandy drinking puff* like you should know that anyway — and the difficulty is in understanding how it is intended: is it meant in jest, or does it actually indicate homophobia?
I think you’d find a lot of people (but not all) would avoid that terminology in front of people they knew to be gay, because they wouldn’t want to offend them. It’s like the racism thing again: it’s the use of language which implies homophobia. My contention would be that most of these people aren’t actually homophobic, they just need to maybe be aware that using terminology like that does make them sound it…
*Paul: I apologise most sincerely for that. I know you wouldn’t drink shandy.
I don’t know; I know most of my family are homophobic. It’s not that they wish gay people to be rounded up and shot, but I don’t think they’d raise too much objection if they were. It’s a cause of great frustration to me; partly because I am an equal opportunities lech (as Michael Stipe described himself) and partly because to me, homophobia is just a subcategory of sexism; it is all about artificial ideas about what it is to be a man or a women. It seems very silly that my parents, who made great sacrifices for the education of their daughters, instilling the idea that there was nothing we couldn’t do if we put our minds to it and worked hard, should add the caveat, “Oh but you’re only allowed to fall in love with nice manly men.”
I also know that at my school, which was a very good school (a public school, but I had an assisted place on account of being a bright child from peasant stock), there was vehement homophobia right into sixth form. I mean young women who were very well educated and off to Oxbridge - women who’ll only be twenty-five and twenty-six now, who made it hell for a couple of their classmates who fell in love with one another.
This left me with a fair amount of baggage. And like Paul says, there is this anxiety about whether and when it is appropriate to disclose. Because I am bisexual and married to a man, I could pass. To say I’m bisexual is to draw attention to a fact and being a bisexual woman, well I do worry people might think I’d say that to make myself sound more sexually exotic or something. Then again, I worry about not telling my friends - especially my female friends - in case they find out somehow and it comes as a shocking revelation.
However, it has never been a problem. I even told my mother and she doesn’t think any less of me (although I’m not 100% sure she believed me). One day I might tell my father… or perhaps not.
I do love everything you’ve written on Equality - I could make several long and rambling comments, but not really up to it today.
@Goldfish:
“equal opportunities lech”: love it …!
Not wishing to detract from your very good article and points… it could be of course that there is an aversion to certain careers - therefore there may be many less homosexual footballers than one would statistically expect. However, I agree that it is slightly suspicious that there are none and that it harms society, with the lack of prominent role models.
@Seb,
I did consider that, but that just led me to consider the whole chicken/egg question - would homosexual men have an aversion to football because of their homosexuality, or because of the homophobia inherent in it?
Or maybe a a bit of both? As I didn’t feel qualified to answer the question, what with not being gay, I thought it best just to brush over it…
Im a bit lost!!! whats your point?
I dont care if my mate is gay or Asian, as long as hes out for a beer friday nite.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Im confused as to the reason of your post mate!!
@Rooster - was part of a series on equality. Although I like your “mate on a friday nite” line !