Well, it being St Valentine’s Day and everything, I thought todays post would have to somehow be about luurve. But rather than just come up with some sentimental soupy stuff about family and pets and stuff, I thought I’d specifically rule out living things (mostly to prevent anyone not making the list from going into a huff).

So instead, I bring you a list of ten things I love (not necessarily my top ten, not necessarily in any particular order. Just ten things I love).

Real Ale

I’ve never been a fan of fake ale, but some ale is realler than others. Generally, the reallest of real ales contain the word “old” somewhere in their name and sound about as appetising as someone’s armpit. These are usually nice, strong, dark beers. “Old Peculier”, “Owd Growler”, “Old Tom”.

Philosophical, Metaphysical and ultimately Pointless Debate

Ideally when combined with the previous “love”, this allows mankind to ponder the ultimate questions of meaning: “why are we here?” “what’s life all about?” “is there a higher purpose?” “does the universe have ultimate meaning?” and also “what are you having?”. Ah, you can’t whack it.

Dr Pepper Zero

I like Dr. Pepper, but it’s too sweet. Enter Dr. Pepper Zero. Thirst-quenching. Refreshing. And now thanks to those marketing boffins who think blokes are scared of asking for any drink with the word “diet” in it, now called Dr. Pepper Zero.

Reading and Writing

I’ve been reading for about twenty eight years now, so I think I’m starting to get the hang of it. In fact, given that since I was about fourteen I’ve probably read an average of four books a week, it’s fair to say that I’ve read a lot. I also love writing; I used to want to be a writer because that seemed to me the ultimate thrill — to be paid for something I enjoy doing so much. Now, I have all of the benefits of being an actual author (seeing my published work, knowing people read my stuff) with added benefits (a real job meaning that I have actual money coming in).

Art Stuff that Brian Sewell Hates

Brian Sewell is an art critic who is known for his somewhat … erm … forthright opinions about things he does and doesn’t like. He doesn’t like the Angel of the North (which is in my home town of Gateshead and incidentally is 10 today. Happy Birthday, Angel!). He doesn’t like the Gateshead Millenium Bridge. He believed that an exhibition at the BALTIC (an art gallery/installation space in Gateshead) was a mistake, because it should have been held somewhere where audiences were sophisticated enough to appreciate it. You know, I’m beginning to think he’s got something against my home town. So in response to this, I’ve decided to love all of the art stuff that he hates, as if he wants to dislike arty things for the entirely arbitrary reason of their location, I’ll choose to love them for a similarly arbitrary reason.

The word ‘curmudgeonly’

Used to describe someone who would be described by most people as an unpleasant miserable old bastard, the word ‘curmudgeonly’ is understood by all to represent precisely that (as when used to describe Dr. Gregory House or Victor Meldrew) yet be sufficiently polite to be suitable for newspapers and TV guides…

Trivia questions

I don’t particularly love the obscure trivia itself — I certainly make no attempt to remember any of it — but I do enjoy testing myself against trivia questions, just to see if I can generate that smug sense of self-satisfaction by getting a difficult question right.

TV Comedy

Porridge. Father Ted. Fawlty Towers. Only Fools and Horses. Friends. Coupling. Red Dwarf. Bottom. Yes Minister. Open All Hours. Blackadder. Have I Got News For You. Little Britain. Need I say more?

Akismet

Akismet (along with other spam filters) save me from upwards of 50 spam comments per day, frequently exhorting me to buy shares in a cement firm (no), buy online pharmaceuticals (no), or to look at links purporting to contain photos of nude celebrities but more likely to contain malware (again, no). Thanks to my spam filters, and the wonderful ability to ‘delete all’, I generally only ever see the first one or two of these, and only a very occasional one gets onto the site.

Secret Bedroom Fantasies

There’s something I used to do in the bedroom before the GLW and I had kids. Now we simply don’t have the time to do that sort of thing any more. Of course, what I’m referring to is a lie in. I’m told I get these, but in my opinion, being woken up at seven, and then forced out of bed two hours later with kids leaping two-footed onto your stomach does not count as a lie in. A lie in is when your first awareness of that morning starts after eleven a.m. So I have to make do with my secret fantasies for now.

That’s my list… what’s yours?