Giving Offense
There are some words you just don’t use in conversation. This post is going to discuss them. If you are likely to be offended by them, when used in context about the use of language (as opposed to them being used as a slur), then you might not want to read on.
Oh, yeah, and I know I covered this in more detail in my Equality series of posts last year, and in my power of names post, but I’ve got some new things to add…
I encounter many people — usually just in passing — who, while they would not use the word nigger in conversation (on the basis that irrespective of their personal feelings, they know it will be found offensive) are quite happy to refer to ‘pakis’ and ‘chinks’. Depending on who they are, and what the circumstances are, I may take the time to tell them that I find the use of the word offensive, particularly if they are someone I am likely to engage in conversation again.
But we have to remember that it isn’t just racial names which are inappropriate and should not be used. You have terms such as ‘fag’ and ‘queer’ for homosexuals which would usually be seen as offensive if used by someone who is not gay, but I have known to be used by gay people, much in the same way that some black musicians use the word ‘nigga’ (these would generally be the same ones who use offensive terms to describe women, too).
Note however that this brings up two issues: firstly, does someone have the right to take offense at someone else using a word which they themselves would use? Secondly, should the term not be avoided anyway, as there is some argument that some civil rights groups would object to any use of the term.
And then you have the issue of the terms being used out of context. Famously, Chris Moyles described a ringtone as ‘gay’ because he didn’t think it was very good. It appears that he has misappropriated the word to mean that something is rubbish and defended this on the basis that other people have used it to mean this.
Well, for a start, I think he’s got the etymology wrong: I think gay to rubbish went along the lines of gay = feminine = weak = feeble = rubbish. Which, no matter how you cut it, still looks offensive to me. But if he’s allowed to redefine terms like this, just think how wonderful it would be if we could get this phrase into common usage…
Urrgh! I’ve just stepped in a Moyles!
Then we’ve got things like Little Britain, which has characters such as Maggie Blackamoor (who vomits copiously any time something foreign or homosexual is mentioned), the university secretary (?) Linda who offers insulting comments about various sorts of people (gay, disabled, foreign); Lou and Andy, the allegedly-disabled person and his carer, and various other similar characters. In short, mostly relating to people who are unusual in physical appearance (fat, disabled); have some sort of non-”normal” sexual preference (homosexuality, transvestitism), are from a foreign country or something similar, and the humour is derived from situations around that.
It’s one of those things where some people think that it is being offensive to minority groups, and some people think it is joking about the perceptions people have about minority groups and the way they tend to be treated. To be honest, I think this is a hard one to call; I come down on the side of it’s a program about perceptions, but the character Alf Garnett, whilst intended as a satire on bigotry, ended up being seen as somewhat of a hero to those he was supposed to be satirising.
And then you get some words which are deemed so offensive that the community in question has made no attempt to reclaim them, and indeed are actively campaigning for them not to be used. One such word is retard.
While it could be argued that the use of this word has been encouraged by the Tropic Thunder controversy, where a number of disability advocates have suggested that large parts of the fun are there basically to make fun of people with intellectual disabilities, it is possibly also true that the controversy stirred up has actually made more people aware of how offensive the term is, and how frequently jokes are made at the expense of the disabled.
Racism and homophobia are far from beaten, but there is an increasing acceptance that these are wrong. But all too frequently disablism is allowed to go unchallenged. It’s time to stop that.
Our choice of language frames how we think about others.
It is time to respect and value people with intellectual disabilities.
It is time to accept and welcome us as your friends and neighbors.
Change the conversation … stop using the r-wordThe R-Word
You can even pledge not to use the r-word, although I think actually treating other fellow human beings as, well, fellow human beings is probably a good start in itself.
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November 10th, 2008 at 8:09 am
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chartroose says:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
I call myself and my friends “retard” all the time and I have used the word on my blog as well. I don’t, however, use the word around actual retarded people, unless I’m unaware that they’re retarded. I don’t think we should feel like we must stop using these words altogether because they’re too much fun to completely dispose of. I think we should be careful about who we say them to, that’s all. Okay, nig? BTW, this post is so freakin’ gay!
James Black says:
November 14th, 2008 at 8:20 am
I have found myself from time to time using words I’d rather not. I’ve never used racial phrases, and have no intention to. I’m open-minded, and rational, and as such hold no qualms with anyone over the color of their skin. However, I have used the phrase gay from time to time with the “rubbish” meaning, so to speak. Luckily, I have many gay friends who use the phrase in the same way too. Although this does not save me, nor those friends, from being politically incorrect, I stay out of trouble due to such. I have many gay friends, and although I may not be gay myself*, many people know that despite the times I have let the phrase slip from my tongue, I mean nothing derogatory by it. But, the intended meaning and the received meaning can differ, I understand.
On the subject of whether someone who uses a certain word has the right to be upset abotu someone else using it, I would normally say no, but have mixed feelings. I can see how from time to time we might call our friends inappropriate names in a joking manner (not that this has ever made sense to me except for in rare cases) — random curses and insults that if anyone else would say, or even if a friend would say it seriously, things would get out of hand quickly. However, certain phrases that have become common amongst various subcultures seem to be used as sparingly (and as serious) as a greeting, and not as jokingly as the afore-mentioned situation. When the words in question are used in these situations, I find that the right to complain about their use is forfeited.
*I thought I’d point out that I’m not saying “I’m not gay” to state that I’m straight, but instead, to point out that many people know that I’ve nothing against anyone who is gay, despite not being gay myself.
-James Black
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Meeting people is alayws hard but being in an environment with limited gay stuff going on makes it so much harder I really feel for you. Depending on where you live, you may find that, although there are no obvious gay bars, there might be some gay organisations that you aren’t aware of (yet!). Try searching online for LBGT groups in your area that would be a good place to start. They don’t have to be for singles’ to be a good place to meet people. For example, you might find a gay book club, or a gay youth group, etc. If the place you live has absolutely no gay organisations at all then it’s a little more tricky! There are lots of Japanese gay online groups, social sites or even dating sites where you can talk to other people in similar situations to you. The web can be a great place to meet people.Good luck