Sorry? Did I hear that right? Newcastle might actually sign someone who isn’t a youth triallist, unattached or otherwise available for a free?

It appears that, according to The Guardian and a couple of other media sources, that Newcastle have agreed a fee for Bolton’s Kevin Nolan. He’s one of them central midfielders that I think of as a box-to-box midfielder: he’s a midfielder midfielder, rather than an attacking midfielder, or a defensive midfielder, or what have you.

He’s also, at 26, arguably about to peak in terms of playing ability, which is unusual as we normally either sign people whose legs have gone (Geremi) or show flashes of undoubted talent but then don’t develop any further (Jenas). He’s not been having a good time for Bolton, admittedly, but he’s probably as under-rated now as he was over-rated when Sam Allardyce built a team around him and insisted he was the equal of Steven Gerrard.

He’s a good midfielder. He’ll do very nicely thanks. Now we only need another striker, a left-back, a right-back, a right-winger — or maybe two of each given the rate we’re going through players at the minute.

Also, Charles “le sulk” N’Zogbia is apparently refusing to play for the club while Kinnear is manager. Well, I’ve got to admit to being concerned about that. The last thing he’s done anything approaching playing for anyone other than his dream move to Arsenal / Aston Villa / Paris Saint Germain / Lyon / AC Milan or, er… Wigan was about two years ago. Plus it means that if he keeps throwing a sulky strop, we can keep fining him until he pisses off, saving us money in the intervening time.

Charley m’boy, I think you’ll find that the Newcastle fans don’t rate you; they don’t like your attitude or your application, and the sooner you’re creating discord in someone else’s dressing room the better. Although then again, if we can keep fining you so it doesn’t cost us any money, I’d be quite happy to let you rot in the reserves until the end of your contract.

Kinnear as usual spots the bleeding obvious about three seasons after the fans had noticed…

Joe Kinnear accused Charles N’Zogbia of trying to manoeuvre a move away from the Mapgies….BBC Sport

It’s been a fairly standard pattern. Zoggy strops around complaining that Arsenal want to sign him, that Real Madrid want to sign him, ‘cos he’s fantastic, no bugger is willing to bid for him, but we’re daft enough to give him a pay rise and that stops his whinging for 12-18 months. You’ll not be missed.

Monsieur Seamus Given on the other hand is a different matter. The fans don’t want him to go, but equally we understand where he’s coming from: he’s given us more than 10 years, and we’ve given him more than 10 centre-half pairings a season, usually. He deserves better — although frankly if Man City want him, and they think Nigel de Jong and Craig Bellamy are about fourteen squillion pounds each, then we deserve a fair share of that gravy for a top class keeper.

Michael Owen deserves what he gets. We offered him another big deal for someone who frankly has done nothing to deserve the money we’ve paid him to date; he’s no longer the lethal finisher he was, frequently missing chances that the ‘old’ Owen would have put away — or that the fans would never have forgiven Ameobi for missing, he’s lost some pace, he’s ridiculously injury prone, and he’s shown that despite the money and time Newcastle have invested in him, he doesn’t think we deserve any more than a ‘fuck you very much in return’.

Never mind, mate. We all know you’ve already decided to leave in the summer; every injury you pick up from now will cost you money in your next contract, and will reduce your chances of getting a deal with a successful club. On the other hand, I don’t want no-one to want you, otherwise you’ll probably end up signing a new contact here…

Oh, and Ashley — fair enough if you don’t want to put any money into the club — it’s your toy and if you want to make it worth less money, it’s your call: but at least realise that Llambiarse is doing a bloody awful job and get someone in who is at least competent, okay?