Let us see what gives you cancer these days, eh? Or at least increases the risk of you getting it.

• Eating grapefruit increases the risk of breast cancer
• Dairy products increase the risk of prostate cancer
• one glass of wine per day increases the risk of many cancers
• long term use of nutrient supplements increases the risk of lung cancer
• Eating pasta or rice increases the risk of kidney cancer
• eating bread increases the risk of kidney cancer
• Eating bacon or skinless chicken increases the risk of bladder cancer
• eating cheese increases the risk of testicular cancer
• parsnips contain cancer-causing chemicals
• air pollution can cause lung cancer — make sure you don’t breathe any exhaust fumes
• fizzy drinks increase the risk of getting pancreatic cancer
• going out in the sun gives you skin cancer
• not going out in the sun gives you prostate cancer
• red and processed meat gives you bowel cancer
• taking the pill or HRT increases the chance of cancer
• but having multiple full term pregnancies increases the risk of cervical cancer
• and finally … hot tea gives you cancer

And of course, what is the biggest single thing that is most likely to increase your risk of getting cancer. Yup, that’s right, getting older. Old age really is the big risk factor. So you’d better stop that aging business right away. In fact, your best chance of not getting cancer is probably to die from something else as soon as possible.

Whenever you read health statistics suggesting that ‘25,000 lives a year could be saved if…’, remember that they are talking shite. All they mean is that in that particular year, those 25,000 people won’t have died of that cause. These people will still die of something at some point. Statistically, reducing your chances of getting hit by a bus will increase the chance you’ll die of cancer.

So when you hear all these scare stories you need to remember that yes, you can do things to increase the chances of you living longer, and that may indeed be advisable. But you also need to remember that the papers who are telling you these things are generally more concerned about getting a good headline than about the facts.

Just to give you an ‘anti-cancer’ example. It has been reported by The Express, The Mail, The BBC, The Independent and, perhaps unsurprisingly The Chocolate Trading Company, that chocolate might reduce your cancer risk. Yet other than the NHS, the only other organisation I saw in the search results reporting the debunking of this super-chocolate story was the Edinburgh News.

An honourable mention goes to Do cancer scare stories give you the Daily Mail? which appeared during my compilation of this list, and does something similar — in this case just looking specifically at the frequency cancer scares appear in the Daily Mail.

Remember, the media aren’t always interested in telling you the facts. They are interested in selling you a story, and hence their newspaper. Don’t believe everything you read; check it up. Ask how much does this increase my risk, how much do I have to eat/drink before my risk is increased?

And please do remember you can’t avoid risk entirely. There’s not much point having a life if you are too scared to enjoy any of it…