The other day a spammer attempted to post a comment on my site, suggesting that I may be looking for a new mobile phone (and I may well be doing that shortly) I should not go elsewhere until I had seen what they had to offer:

Don’t buy your next mobile phone until you know about our free gits

Hmm. There’s an offer I can refuse. Entertainingly enough, it wasn’t the only offer I could refuse. Here are a selection of the others:

Buy Cipro for rectal bleeding

Er… no thanks. I’m fine without the rectal bleeding, thank you.

Hey guy’s. I’m new here, and to be honest, im here to promte a product, called [........]. It’s the new generation of Anti-Virus scanners.

Yeah. And it’s not one of those scare-ware things at all which will tell you you have a virus and if you download and pay for their product, it will then confirm that it has got rid of the virus it had invented in the first place, is it? And even assuming it was genuine, when I’m looking for an anti-virus product, I’m looking for a company who pays attention to detail, rather than ones who don’t know that ‘guys’ is a plural word that doesn’t require an apostrophe, or know how to spell ‘promote’.

But I don’t know if it’s one of the laws of spamming: you are legally obliged to put together a slap-dash message so that anyone looking at it with an ounce of sense is capable of determining that it is spam. Of course, that’s not true, and anyone relying on this might be taken in by any spammer who has gone to the trouble of actually paying attention to detail…

I bought my wife a car, renovated our kitchen and took her on a cruise but the thing that stirred her the most was without a doubt my intention to [link] buy loose diamonds

Sssh! For God’s sake be quiet! I was hoping to maybe get my wife something a little cheaper than that for our anniversary. Maybe a new bottle of bleach or some toilet paper. Perhaps an ironing board cover. You know, some romantic gesture that’s not too expensive.

I’m 25 from Sydney Australia, been training for about 4 years, pretty hard for the past year and a half. I’m about 5?8 and weigh 101kg currently bulking and hoping to compete earliest May 2010. Do you want to get in touch about [link] stocks?

Er… that sounds a little creepy to be honest. So I’ll call that one as a no. Generally, if I was interested in discussing potential investments in the stock market, I’d look for a financial advisor, rather than a blogging bodybuilder who seems to think that this is somehow relevant to the stock market. Still, on the bright side, if you keep taking those steroids, you’ll soon have veins the size of mooring ropes bulging out the sides of your neck, which is what bodybuilders seem to like. And, I must add this was quite impressively off-topic, since the post you attempted to comment on was about blogging policies in Local Authorities.

Have you been a naughty boy? Do you want to be whipped?

Well, probably to the first, and definitely not to the second. I just don’t have the right sort of personality type to be a submissive, I’m afraid. I’m too bloody-minded, belligerent, argumentative, and, most likely, convinced of my own superiority. So don’t you dare threaten to whip me again, or I’ll spank you.

I will however leave the last word to someone who goes by the name of ‘budget hotels’ and helpfully also included a few links to his own site, for sheer barefaced cheek:

Who says the internet is full of garbage and SPAM? This is a great article…

…yes, and it’s even better ‘cos it doesn’t have your spam on it.