So I just got a call from my girl friend that she has been fucking around with my uncle!!! So like any angry boy friend I have choosen to share every naked photo I have of her to the internet. I have downloaded the pics…Spammer

To start with, I think you mean uploaded. Downloaded would suggest that the pictures were on the net in the first place. Secondly, I don’t think you’re entirely accurate in assuming every angry boyfriend would behave in such a manner. For a start, I believe that those actions would very likely be considered illegal in many places, if they are published without her consent. And I would like to think most people would be more gentlemanly than that, anyway.

Although by the sound of it, your girlfriend isn’t exactly behaving like a lady…

So I just got a text from my girl friend that she has been sleeping around with my brother!!! So like any good boy friend…Same spammer

Personally mate, I probably would have dumped her after the uncle thing. Although frankly it doesn’t say much for your family either, if they’re prepared to sleep with your girlfriend.

So I just got a text from my girl friend that she has been fucking around with my dad…Same spammer

Look mate, just get rid. She’s no good for you. And for that matter, I’d be having second — or quite possibly third — thoughts about the rest of my family too.

So I just got a msg from my girl friend that she has been fucking around with my little brother…Same spammer

Sheesh! You’re just bringing it on yourself now. I did tell you she was no good for you, didn’t I? Seriously mate, it’s obviously not working out between you two; just drop the whole thing. The only possible reason I can imagine for you going any further with this is if you’re trying to get on some Jeremy Kyle special…

So I just got a voice mail from my girl friend that she has been sleeping around with my dad…Same spammer

Um… didn’t she tell you that already, via text? Although to be honest I can understand her not necessarily wanting to break the news to you face-to-face. Having said that, if your girlfriend’s name actually is “DirtySlut232″ then I think you maybe should have had some suspicions from the outset…

But, even so…

So I just got a voice mail from my girl friend that she has been having sex with my friend…Same spammer

Hmm… I can’t help but feel that there’s some sort of problem with your relationship, you know. Coincidentally enough, if you’re experiencing some form of er… failure to function, or you have um… length issues, then the spammer immediately following you seems to think that they can help.

So I just got a email from my girl friend that she has been fucking around with my best friend…Same spammer

To be honest mate, I’m starting to suspect that it’s you that’s the problem. After all, there’s always the possibility that you’re suffering from some sort of delusional paranoia and none of this is actually real, the other possibility is that it is real, which would then pose the question as to why so many people who would be expected to know you well would behave in such a mean way towards you.

And I can only presume it’s ‘cos you’re a complete bastard.

Obviously, as we all know, it’s not actually real. It’s not a real person, it’s not a real story about a real girlfriend, it’s thinly and rather badly disguised spam attempting to get me to visit a site which purports to host pictures of naked ladies but is probably considerably more likely to host a wide variety of malware.

Come on spammers, you can do better than this! Put some bloody effort into it!