Okay, this is a discussion of a somewhat rude, infantile and not particularly funny joke. You may wish to look away now.

A gentleman is on holiday in a foreign country, trying to conclude an expensive business deal. Naturally, this being a joke, he picks up a prostitute in a local bar and proceeds to take her back to his hotel room to engage in a certain amount of what I believe is euphemistically termed ‘horizontal jogging’. Just as the scene cuts from rather oddly placed stock shots of a train rushing through a tunnel to shots of a rocket taking off into space, fireworks, other explosions and so on, the lady calls out a particular phrase to him in the language he doesn’t understand.

He takes it upon himself to presume that this phrase means “brilliant! fantastic!” or somesuch and files it away for future reference. Naturally, when he then goes on to play the golf the next day with comedy foreign stereotype chap, who hits a tremendous shot with his 5-iron that stick on the green, rolls towards the hole and drops in for a birdie three, he repeats the expression, confident that this will seal the important business deal and is then somewhat surprised when comedy foreign gentleman turns to him and says “what do you mean, ‘wrong hole’?”.

Okay, the joke isn’t even particularly funny unless you assume a certain and very specific set of circumstances, normally requiring that you are ten years of age, you’ve heard it in the playground, and that you don’t actually stop to think about it.

Now, I’m not familiar with the exact procedure to be used during dealings with prostitutes (beyond having seen the film ‘Pretty Woman’, my personal experience of the matter is nil: it’s not that I have a moral objection to people paying for sex, I just have a deep-seated and strongly held objections to both parting with money, and also having my wife nail my bollocks to a table) but I still can’t help but notice that there are one or two, shall we say, flaws in the plot.

Firstly, I would presume that a prostitute whom I would have at least noticed which orifice her gentleman caller was … er … visiting, and that had such not been specifically agreed in advance, it would have been unlikely to have been allowed to proceed to said point without a large pimp appearing and cutting up his face or whatever.

Secondly, I find it difficult to believe that someone whom we are led to believe is a high powered business executive concluding multi-million dollar deals would simply repeat statements that a prostitute had made to them in the throes of simulated passion without actually making any attempt to actually ascertain what they meant.

Are we to presume that this gentleman has concluded other business deals by baldly stating — on the golf course — to his potential partners “hey! it’s thirty euros more for the tits!” “oh yes, big boy, make me come” or even “yes! yes! yes! oh yes! yes! oh!” or similar.

Although I suppose this would then possibly explain why said businessman was seeking to conclude deals abroad, having completely weirded out any potential business partners in the more immediate vicinity…